Spirit!

I did it! 

Honestly after spending 28 hours walking it, 5 hours and 48 minutes cycling it was honestly nowhere near as physically challenging but it was again another mental battle, something It would seem I am beginning to do a lot of! (Nobody said when I started this journey it was going to be easy!)

It wasn't about the ride for me today it was about one hill one climb, one challenge, and one point to prove to nobody else but myself! 

As a kid I was often told I was "Nothing" a "Worthless piece of shit" I was informed  in the midst of violence "You will never amount to anything, you're a humiliation and evil" so that hill was my middle finger to those that chose to damage my spirit, soul and inner strength! 

Some people say the mind is the most powerful tool we possess but it does not, in my opinion, come even close to the inner spirit! 

I stopped just before attacking the biggest winding hill i have seen for 2 years (two years a go to the day I attempted the same hill and got 400m up it before stopping and saying to myself "oh it doesn't matter you're shit anyway!") and had a small very meaningful chat with myself...

These were my exact words....

"Today Roycey you are something. You are important, you are loved, you are a dad, a husband, a friend, an important part of life, you are special and most of all you are capable of absolutely anything - Roycey, this one is for you and you Mr hill are about to get owned!" 

I then sucked back a couple of energy shots and began...

 I grunted, groaned, spoke to myself, swore (a lot) sweated and screamed, my legs burned my heart was racing, I was gasping for oxygen but pedal I did, not exactly In a straight line but this was not going to be a repeat of two years ago, this was my time! It was without question the hardest 10 minutes I have ever done sitting down! 

Then came the mental challenge - my mind must have told me 20 times to get off, to give up, that nobody would care, that I couldn't do it, that I was a failure.... But I'm changing and something came alive in me that as a 44 year old man I have only ever experienced once before and that was a few weekends a go on my 28 hour walk - it's called belief and a spirit that was not, under any circumstances going to be beaten - at any cost! 

I made it - I beat it - I pushed myself - I beat my demands -  I cried and then I laughed then I felt a new feeling, a feeling of beating the demands that have for so so long defined me...

So hill you were owned and I was the exact opposite - today and just for today, I was free and for this year i was king of my own little mountain which, as I promised got owned (Although taken over is probably a better terminology!) 

I suffer no more in silence.....

Ride like the wind.....

And so i begin my second challenge - 100k bike ride from London to Brighton!

If I can walk it - I can sure as shit ride it! 

With every turn of my wheels today I want to send a message of hope to those who may be sat where I once was and this is my message to you;

You are NOT Evil, you are NOT alone and you need not cry silently any more. 

You no longer have to be in that lonely, dark, terrifying, suffering place and you no longer have to hate yourself with every single thought. 

It has stopped for me and this is why I'm alive enough to ride tomorrow. My spirit has begun to shine....as so can yours...

My target? 

To cross the line in Brighton by 1.30pm (no I'm not leaving now!) 

If you have a little to give you can do it here - 

www.justgiving.com/ianroyce  

And if you have already donated can I  thank you so very very much. 

Right better get peddling as I'm warming up for Piers Morgan tonight! 

Brighton - I'm coming to get ya! 

#silencenomore 

What now?

It's been the most frightening 14 days (To be fair the most frightening life) with more drama, emotion and fear than I could have ever possibly imagined!

You gave me strength and courage when I had none and yesterday I turned a huge corner in my life. 

So what now? 

It's now time to live for the future, to be an example for what life can be like, free of fear, pain and loneliness.  

I still have so much to face from my past but this will be done privately and with the professionals who surround me today. 

To keep living in my past is not helpful, healthy or in anyway a positive to those who still suffer, it's time to be an example of what life can be like!

I am excited about living free of those who for so long controlled me and free of so many negative painful emotions. 

I cannot thank you enough for standing with me, it is without question the most humbling emotional experience I have ever had. 

And for those who shared your experience and made a step into the light - you are so brave and I'm ready to stand with you. 

I shall continue to raise as much money as humanly possible for the NSPCC and have a plan for a mammoth challenge in 2014. 

So stand by universe, I'm ready to shine and live a life full of hope, courage and  love - I've waited long enough! 

Thank you

Roycey x

#silencenomore 

M - the true inspiration.

Lots has been said and written about me and my struggles, fights, battles and recent triumphs over the past week. I've had so much support, love, kindness and friendship and as a result I don't feel so alone, scared or full of fear. 

After so so many years I see a light and feel hope that I can change. It's amazing although I know the road is long. 

But, and it's a huge but, someone has stood by me, carried me, picked me up, cried with me, laughed with me, held my hand, stroked me and stood by me when most would have left so very long a go 

That person is my wife, Martha. 

She is the strongest, bravest most caring loving patient women i have ever met and she is nothing less than my inspiration! 

To be very honest she is the very reason I'm still standing and gave me the strength to open up from a silent hell.

She has put up with so much, which sadly, is the result of living with a man who held a painful past. 

So this walk I do today, this life I have today  i dedicate to her. because without my Martha I'd still be in that very dark forest. 

Thank you for listening. 

"I wish to report a crime"

I walked into a police station yesterday and I reported persons for the offences I pointed out in my last blog.

I have never ever been so scared in all my life, I honestly felt like a small boy walking up the steps of the police station, but I did it!

The officer who dealt with me was both caring, sympathetic, attentive but above all and so importantly professional to the end, she made it a calm place to talk about what I have held up for so very very long, I swear if there was not a screen between us I would have hugged her.

I'm proud I did it, I am happy I did it and now justice can prevail.

I have an appointment to attend and make full statements 8 days and have put a support system in place straight after to protect myself and the emotions I will no doubt be feeling.

For those who who suffer like I did, before taking such a step please make sure you have a support system around you as your about to tell all to a stranger.

Silent no more.

Roycey.

I hope I can help just one, thats my prize!

I am walking 100k a week today and the walk letter sent out asked anyone to send an e-mail in to say why they were walking the 100k, the best one will win a prize.

My prize - let only one person makes a call fir help and my prize will be the greets ever.

Please bear with me, its taken 31 years to have the courage to write it....

I have suffered in silence for 31 years, full of shame, fear, anger, loneliness and self loathing, today I suffer those feelings no more and I have to, really I do, let anyone else who reads this and who feels those same feelings, know that its ok to feel them, but, and its a huge but, you need not suffer anymore. 

If I can do it, then so can you, you just HAVE to believe... 

So with a deep breath, a large glass of a chilled white and some inner courage and some hard work over the past months, here goes....

31 years a go I was raped, some 6 years later I was raped again, multiple times. 

I have, for 31 years thought it was my fault, that I was to blame, that somehow it was of my making and for 31 years I have put on a very thick mask and juggled life’s game very well, but while alone and sitting with myself it was a very different story, a dark, scary, very painful story. Sadly you can only juggle for so long and inevitably I started to drop the balls and the cracks started to show. 

Over the past 18 months it has been very difficult to even exist, I could not even walk past a shop without headlines taking me back to the scariest points of my life and to be honest I hit my self destruct button.

Thanks to the most amazing wife and a small voice in the deepest part of my soul I admitted my past to the most amazing doctor and within what seemed like minutes I had the most amazing support network around me, and you, if you have suffered the same as I, can have it too, but it takes a leap of faith that I understand today may seem incomprehensible..... but know this...

IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU WERE NOT TO BLAME and most importantly HELP IS ONE STEP AWAY!

I tried everything to dull my pain, nothing worked apart from facing it, dealing with it and most importantly ASKING FOR HELP!

I’m not professional enough to help you nor strong enough to pick you up and carry you but i can point you in the right direction and shout from the top of my voice Today I have no shame, guilt and fear and you can have this too.

So this my friends is why I am walking 100km, riding 100km and running a half marathon, why? because today I can and today I want the NSPCC to be well enough funded to help someone who I know is very scared right now.

And a message to those who took my dignity, youth and soul, you scare me no more and today I'll define myself, your power over me ended a few months a go. scared? Welcome to what I USED to feel....

Thank you for listening. 

Roycey x

For help from the professionals go to: 

http://www.survivorsuk.org

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/help_and_advice_hub_wdh71748.html

www.childline.co.uk

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk

YOU are NOT alone...

Meet the golden ones....

It's the BAFTA's tonight, well the TV one anyway, and this reminded me of a warm up I was booked for a few years a go at "The Grosvenor House Hotel" for The BAFTA TV awards hosted by the stunning and very funny Davina.

Now this was a huge warm up, not only did anyone who is anyone attend this event, it would be a marvellous time to showcase myself as something other than "The warm up bloke"

I went and purchased a new dinner suit, new dinner shirt and all the bits that go with it, one thing I have always known is that to walk on any stage dressed in a good suit or good clothes can up your game by at least 10%, feeling a million dollars is so important to feeling good inside! (I'm turning into Gok!)

So up early that day, off for a facial, haircut, sun bed, nail trim, eyebrow trim, teeth whitening and eventually the trusted Addison Lee turns up outside my flat. It is pissing down, no that's an understatement, its a bloody monsoon.

I arrive at the greatest ballroom this country has to offer and I am beyond excited!

To work "The Great room" is an honour, to have dinner in it is just the same!! although many a performer will tell you it is a comics graveyard, but I have never been one to blame "The room"

I meet the various producers, their are many, and get a hug of Davina, which is always a treat for anyone working this life of show business (I love Davina, always have, always will!) I share some banter with the two floor managers Nick and Mark and they can sense my obvious excitement at working at such a prestigious event! They are however swapping some rather odd looks between each other as my excitement grows!

The female exec on the show finds me and introduces me to Clive she says "You look amazing Roycey, this is Clive, he will get you an umbrella" I look over his shoulder and see Mark Backer and Nick Keene two brilliant floor managers, giggling like two school children about to watch the greatest prank ever unfold!

"Umbrella?" I say with a tad of confusion in my voice, she turns on her heels and its me and Clive. Now Clive is about 18 obviously on his first job and wearing a dinner suit he borrowed off his much smaller dad, he seems like a nice enough guy but he has a radio and this can turn the sweetest of runners into a fucking monster!

I follow Clive who is still trying to work out what he is suppose to do with his radio and is constantly trying to send pointless messages!

After a short 5 minute walk we arrive at a flooded red carpet and a grandstand of about 20 people who are drenched to the skin with one holding a banner painted banner saying "We love you Simon" which has run in the rain and now says "W u mon"

I presume at this point that Clive is just showing me the celebrities arriving so when i get to warm up the "Great Room" in front of my piers I will have a better idea of my audience, sadly I was about to be put in my place and wonder if the teeth whitening, hair cut and new shinny shoes was all worth it!

Clive passed me the umbrella and said "Right you need to run up and down the red carpet and every time a celebrity arrives you need to get the crowd (60 drenched people and one banner holding nutter) screaming...

"What about warming up the "Great Room" I said!

"Clive smiled "Oh you don't have a pass for the great room, that's for VIP's only" as if that wasn't enough he pressed his radio button and said "The warm up bloke is on the carpet and I am about to tell him what to say" I really had to pinch myself from saying "Oh do fuck off!" but I have learnt that to smile and agree is the essence of this fine business we call "Show"

Clive then spent the next 20 minutes telling me what to say to get the crowd going, i listened, smiled and nodded after all Clive had a degree in Media, who the fuck was I to argue!

To say I was gutted would be a mile from the truth, but run up and down I did and after an hour of a ruined suit, fucked shoes and an ego properly dented I promised myself that one day I would walk the red carpet myself and without doubt hug Clive at the end!

Every celebrity I had worked with in previous years had a good laugh at my expense running up and down a soaked red carpet getting the crowd to cheer them when they arrived, only one came over to say hello, thank you "U Mon" it made the bloke in the ruined new suit smile, if only inwardly!

What I did do and what I have done my whole career is put it down to learning, pissed off at the time I was, but it will just make the real red carpet walk so much more poignant when it comes and it will come!

I could give you hundreds of examples like this, The Royal Variety performance in front of Prince Charles, BBC Children In Need rocks The Royal Albert Hall, An audience with Celine Dion, the national Television awards, the list goes on and on, but I think I will save it for my book, which I doubt I will ever write!

Good luck to Graham Norton tonight and to whoever gets the job of running up and down a red carpet, at least the sun is shining!

Its been a pretty amazing week for me this week personally. It would be remiss of me to not admit that the past few months have been somewhat challenging, but out of the darkness I have stepped! its a comics thing and only those that make people laugh for a living will truly understand, we are a weird ole' bunch!

I made my first omelet this week!

I decided I want to live here for at least 2 weeks!

I did some DIY this week! It was time to take down my rotten shed.

DIY started 0910
First aid box sought 0915
Google search for "Shed removal" 0926

Rule one....If you are going to a "Family fun day" be prepared to add to your family!

Please meet, Simon, David, Alisha and the most beautiful Amanda all of who are doing very well thanks to a very expensive visit to "Pets at Home"

I will leave you with some of the photos sent into me this week after asking my lovely twitter followers for some pictures of their teddy bears, utter genius and wrong on so many levels!

OVER 18's ONLY PLEASE!!!!

Have a lovely week.....

Burnt Bagel!

So it would seem summer is here although I fear we are being led into a false sense of security! I remember feeling this happy last year then we had some rain that lasted until October, so I am not getting my hopes up, just enjoying each piece of sun as it comes.

Summer seems to arrived and I feel "Summer laws" should be brought into stature with immediate effect!

1. Men are only permitted to remove their tops in designated areas, which do not include, Asda, the pub, walking down a street or whilst driving a scaffold lorry.

2. Crocks are banned for anyone over the age of 6.

3. The lighting of a bonfire in your garden is now banned if your house is within 1/2 mile of another.

4. Anyone found wearing socks with sandals will be shot.

5. Anyone wearing a T-Shirt tucked into shorts will be shooting the above before serving 1 year in prison.

6. People who drive for a living are here by given a special holiday to brown up the other arm!

7. Solar panels in peoples roofs banned with immediate effect! It looks shit and saves you about £175 a year, swallow it!

For those asking if The Voice and The X Factor are enemies, don't be so stupid! The location of the first round of auditions in Scotland did have me thinking that the location manager has got a huge pair of balls.

I went to Cosco and bought my daughter a pool for the summer (equipped with cup holders) having a water meter you can imagine my mood (after spending three hours to fill the bloody thing up) as I went to view the master piece some 2 hours later!

Dear men in a relationship, if you buy the below for your living room I can categorically tell you that getting laid will not happen for many a month!

This is what happens when I get on the phone to my mum....but she is worth it!

It's one of life"s great debates, I'm an A kinda guy!

It took me a while!

One of the most annoying things is being late, so when you're sat on the front carriage and you pull into London Victoria you know you are going to gain a couple of minutes, however when you step off the train and this greets you......I'll leave the rest to your imagination!

Yes, he is giving me the middle finger, apparently he gets pissed of with people taking pictures of his rather lavish mobility scooter, I did suggest if he didn't have a huge black flag to the rear and try and dress it up as a Harley, the pictures would no doubt stop immediately!

Have a fantastic week!

R

50 ways to a better sex life....

So the 1st auditions are well and truly underway for the 10th series of "The X Factor" and the turnouts have been bigger than ever!
Some of those braving the weather are even more outrageous than ever and there is some amazing talent this year, seriously, its going to be amazing 10th year!

No judges conformed yet (as I understand) but really the Louis fans go to incredible lengths and effort to support their idol!

Thank you to the amazing chef in an unnamed city for this outstanding gruel!

I  get asked a lot to slag off "The Voice" on twitter and am often asked for my opinion on the show, so hear it is: Its a good show, not as good as my beloved X, but a good show all the same.
A very talented producer by the name of Billy Halpin joined the BBC team this year and I have no doubt in my mind he will bring his wealth of knowledge, experience and genius to a show that has sold around the world!
My loyalties are embedded with ITV as I do 90% of my work for them but and its a huge but, this does not mean I have anything negative to say about the BBC or any other channel for that matter, there is room for everyone.

I returned to the golf course this week (Its part of my new fitness regime, Steering a buggy is good for the upper arm muscles!) and a game with my Uncle Dennis, I have to say 3 hours away from a phone and the general madness of a day, in the beautiful English countryside is something I am defiantly going to do more of!

Talking of my fitness regime, I am happy to see the great "Gerkin"army have made it to my training programme! Honestly, who in Gods name inputted this to a machine? If anyone has ever seen the  "Gurkha's" on a speed march it would fill you with fear, pride and admiration for the bravest of the brave.
I have written to the company owner of these machines asking for an immediate change in this screen!

I loved reading this in The Sun however they missed out on one very important part......

"Have a partner!"

I would also like to thank whoever put these tow together at Twickenham for the rugby, utter genius!

Have a good week my friends, I'll leave you with this which needs no explanation, comment or comedy!

A degree in "Schofe"

One logistical nightmare I thought as I sat and watched this drivers nightmare unfold....

Is it just me or does it seem like you can nothing now without some kind of charge?

We are now a society of greed and gain and frankly it really pisses me off, whatever happened to doing something for nothing? Or more importantly no personal gain?

I made it one of my goals this year to do at least one thing a day that was both positive and good for another, the only one rule, it had to be done anonymously! Try it, it truly is soul cleansing and feels bloody amazing!

Here are just three examples of daylight robbery and greed, it won't surprise you one comes (Two indirectly) from a bank!

So what brought me to suddenly realise I am being ripped off, it came out of an amusing call to a hotel reception a couple of weeks a go.

It's important (for the sake of the story) to say I was staying in my favourite city outside London, Liverpool and in a high quality hotel.

I arrived in my very ultra modern room (So modern you didn't switch the lights on and off you simply waved your hand in front of the wall, (I looked like I was reenacting an episode from The Karate kid!) As is normal I have a good look round, I was thirsty after eating a very lovely bag of hand cut locally made crisps dispayed neatly next to the coffee making facility and the hairdryer so was trying to find the mini bar  I could not find it anywhere so called reception,

"Hi, where is the mini bar?"

"What room are you in sir?"

"733"

"Ah sorry it got stolen last night!"

I really didn't know what to say so ordered room service and got charged a £4 "Tray charge" I asked the porter :

"Whats the £4 tray charge?"

"So we can pick up the tray!"

"Don't worry" I said" "I'll bring it back myself!"

"That's against hotel policy sir"

No wonder someone nicked the bloody mini bar it must have been bought out of mere frustration at the tray charge!

So that one call is where I started to take notice and question all the extra charges we now get thrown at us!

Buying some cigarettes the other day (I know, not great) I went to pay by debit card "If you pay by debit card sir I have to charge you £1.50" I questioned this and was told by the shop owner that it is what the bank charges him! What a load of bollocks, if the bank charged shop keepers every time someone used a bankcard then they would wealthy beyond all comprehension....oh hang on....

The banks do not charge £1.50 for me to use my card, this is just another charge to gain money and a shop keeper taking the piss out of me the customer, I made my point and will never buy from this gentleman's shop again which incidentally is at Victoria station opposite Next!

I am changing my mortgage and to get my deeds back from the bank, they are going to charge me £250. Yes the bank are charging me £250 to wave goodbye, what a bloody liberty!

I simply had to put the sticker on it, couldn't resist!

On a walk along the South Bank in London I noticed many pissed off mime artistes and street performs, not one of them had anyone paying any attention to the art they have spent years perfecting! Why? Well it would seem somebody came up with this contraption and was racking in hundreds of pounds by simply sitting, it did however amuse me that they still felt the need to be dressed from head to toe in Gold! Go figure?!

I took my girls to my one of my favourite restaurants on Sunday, its my favourite for many reasons but mainly because when I walk in I feel like something special is about to happen! Sunday lunch (or any meal for that matter) at The Ivy is simply divine and if you don't experience this at least once in your life you are truly missing out. (If you get to experience it with Karl or Fiona, you will go to another level, but that's a different story and one I hope I get to do again soon!)

I have also recently found a little gem in Surrey, if you happen to be near Carshalton Beaches you HAVE to visit "The Sun" if you can get a seat, you will enjoy the food, the excellent wine but above all an atmosphere and welcome second to none and as good as The Ivy on every level!

http://www.thesuncarshalton.com
http://www.the-ivy.co.uk

I did it, it has taken me two years but i eventually took the plunge!

Why have I decided to go green? It came out of a new love affair with a black taxi app called "Hailo" sadly my bank could not print enough paper to cover the extra debit insertions on my statement, so by cycling I am saving a serious amount of money, keeping fit and in London, risking life and limb with the mental traffic and the obvious hatred of cyclists by the motorist.....God help me, next I'll be climbing a tree protesting about a bypass that's going to kill an endangered spider and standing at the end of runway 2 at Heathrow with deadlocked hair and a picture of a polluted cloud!

I often ask students in my audience what they are studying, I've had an array of answers from  "Baking" to "Dentistry" and my favourite "David Beckham" but by far the most popular is "Media" with most wanting to be "TV" presenters!

A degree does not produce talent however I would like to offer a piece of advice to all who wish to pursuit a life in front of camera, pay attention it will be the best lesson and greatest lecture you will EVER get!

Go and watch Philip Scofield and watch the master at work! (Both on and off camera) I could add to this list with many names who come very close but (and its a huge but) Philip is without question the godfather of TV and so many could learn so much from someone who has perfected the art like no other, really its a bloody masterclass every time he puts an earpiece in!

I will mention some others, I wasn't going too but honestly I'm done with people pleasing so as a secondary lecture and ONLY after seeing Phillip you have to watch, Dermot, Ant and Dec, Davina, Piers (Political and Interview) Eamon and Ruth and finally James Cordon, there are others but these are ones I personally have learnt so much from and if they think I was just doing the warm up and not taking notes, they are all very much mistaken, for when my time comes, and it will, I will come with 22 years of knowledge gained from the very best in the business, a degree for me? Na, it s a bloody masters!

Right that's it from me this week, however if you get an opportunity today I am being interviewed by the lovely Alied Jones on BBC Radio Wales at 2pm, if you"re not in Wales you can listen here...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0079g0y

http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/aled

May is going to be amazing, I'm hitting your TV screens a few times, "This Morning" paper review on May 3rd, Sky news paper review on May 15th and 29th and hosting something that will have me seen by over 3/4 of the worlds countries, yes, i shit you not!

Enjoy your Sunday and may Liverpool now go stuff Chelsea! YNWA.

Its just 5 things.....

Let me not swerve the fact that I have been a little quiet over the past 8 months and to be fair a tad isolated and unavailable from the world around me!

Sometimes life throws stuff at you that at the time seems almost impossible to deal with, when this happens, and it will, you have two choices, fight it with every bit of energy you have or accept it!

May I offer some advice?

Accept it, learn from it and whatever you do don't spend every piece of your energy re-living it, just know it "Is" but no longer needs to "be" and you will grow, sit in the pain and you'll well, sit in the pain!

Right on to a very pleasant couple of weeks spent warming up the shimmer of angel dust that is Emma Willis!

I have had the pleasure now meeting and warming up Emma Willis over the past couple of weeks and I have to to tell you without any question"A star is born!"

Many of you will know I have huge bugbear about celebrities being labelled "Stars" They do not even come close, so when I see one being born out of talent you will have to excuse my excitement

This lovely presenter of television is heading for a long and very successful career! I cant quiet put my finger  on it (You never truly can) but she has that certain "Something" that just makes you want to hang on her every word and be in her company! I am also happy to report she is utterly charming, extremely polite and nothing less than a joy to work with.

Today's youth will never really know what is going on around them and honestly I think the implications of this are far greater than it seems now. Face to face conversations unless in "Text speak" will be a thing of the past and this saddens me greatly! Twitter, Facebook, Whats-App, texting, Kick, You tube and my space The list goes on but wait, I am sure I heard my Dad say something similar, fuck, that's it I am old. Its an easy argument to put down the youth of today, but they will be just fine and to be honest with you there is not one thing I or indeed we can do in the world to change it, Why? Because we are now officially old!

One thing I love about my country is our sense of humour and this written on Katie Prices car is a great example of that...

A number plate work 25 times the value of the car....prick!

I respect the fact she tried to get a "Match" thing going on..

Itchy candy anyone?

The greatest wheelie bin ever??

I read an article recently and sent it to a few friends, its one of those articles that seems to stay with you forever and talking to a mate yesterday it once again brought me to spend some time thinking about my life, its title,

Top 5 things dying people has wished........

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

I really don't want to add anything else as I hope you can ponder the above and ultimately take action on it!

Roycey x

The most important life lesson!

I know it's been a while since I have written a blog because I forgot my password and the whole "blog" page has changed, I know, not good enough! I promise to try harder, something which has been a headline throughout most of my life!

I have had an operation to remove lumps from my head and body. I saw the surgeon and he informed me he would be doing the procedure under "local" not "general" no big drama I thought. So off to a rather nice private hospital in Wimbledon I trotted via "Abdul" the local mini cab driver who, ironically was a surgeon in his previous life in Iran, gave me a good once over and a £25 receipt on my arrival - something I fear the private place  would not be offering so cheap! Maybe I should have just got Abdul to whip them out at Tooting and been done with it!

On arrival I was shown to my "private room". I have to be honest and say I have stayed in worse hotels! Flat screen TV, fluffy pillows, i-pod, Bose speakers, Joe Malone toiletries and some medical stuff thrown in the corner! I opened the "welcome pack" and was shocked by three things:

1. The amount of TV channels available! This TV had more channels than I have at home. Sadly "Babe Nation" was not available!
2. The wine list was bigger than some I have seen in restaurants, along with Vintage champagne and a "magnum" of a rather good brand!
3. The menu. The chef 'Romeo" (I am sure he must have been a surgeon also in his previous life) would "Make any dish to order! I thought it a great idea to test this out, so before my operation in ordered "Bread and butter pudding".

Off down to surgery dressed in a gown that the rather attractive nurse told me to wear. She didn't however mention I could keep my boxer shorts on. If you have ever worn a hospital gown you will know they tie at the back - now I have long arms, but not that long! So as we were walking along the very well carpeted hallway I could hear the sniggering giggles as my bare arse was proudly on show- sometimes the urge for me to get naked just overwhelms me!

Into the operating theatre and on to "the slab". The surgeon said to "Mohammed" who was dressed in full greens "shave the head". I protested that I didn't want shaved patches anywhere. "Don't worry" said Mohammed, "I used to be a hair dresser in Iran". Fucking great. The surgeon's assistant used to be a hairdresser, the cab driver used to be a surgeon and god only knows what the lovely Chinese lady who was holding a rather big needle used to do, I really daren't ask!

Then came the "local anaesthetic". Oh My Fucking God! I have never felt pain so severe. The worst apart about it all as I was explaining to the surgeon what a twat he was he replied "Don't worry official Roycey you will be fine". The theatre staff all burst out laughing. I was about to have lumps removed by my bloody Twitter followers - could this possibly get any worse!

On return to my suite (I named it this rather than my ward!) I was greeted with a piping hot bread and butter pudding with home made custard and a large glass of wine with a note from the surgeon which read:

"To our brave "Official Roycey" - we promise we won't Tweet that you screamed like a girl!"

God love private health care, god love my surgeon and god love Abdul my cab driver who, on picking me up, got out of his cab and went over every bit of work the surgeon had done and finished by saying "not bad but the stitching I could have done better" with this his sat nav fired up and south we headed south...

Off to a friend's "family" fun day next week and we have been told to "bring something fun"

Ok then ....

I entered David Walliams this week. It was a huge decision to make but worth this brave step. I know a few have been inside him before but I wanted to have the experience". It was warm, slow and very meaningful and yes I stayed in a while, withdrawing was sad but inevatble but the time inside him will stay with me for a very long time!

On Monday I am going to try Amanda!

Ok, time for my sex tape, I have been keeping it on the "QT" for a while but thought it about time I let you all see it....

I had one of those "life changing" conversations with one of my closest friends Lincoln this week. I have been so focussed on "getting on TV" that I have forgotten about how lucky, privileged
 and grateful I am to be where I am right now - which is busy warming up the country's best TV shows with the worlds biggest stars. I get invited to amazing parties and mix with some true legends, my diary is full and people actually trust me to deliver the best possible warm up! I have seriously taken my eye off the game and have been so busy focussing on "whats next" I have forgotten about "what is now". I am not giving up on my next journey, but its time to "hand it over" (I quote Linc) and just work hard at where I am. If the next stage happens it happens, if it doesn't, what  great, amazing lucky life I lead!

I love you can learn life lessons at 42. It's whether you heed the words of friends or let self will run riot. On this occasion I listened (and learned) from one of my oldest friends!

Happy to be in the background doing what I do best and now realise how many would kill to be in this picture, I truly am grateful and now intend to live "In the moment!"

This ladies and gentleman concludes my Sunday offering!